The Edge of Giving Up

adoption, Attachments, courage, family, hope, parent 1 Minute

The day he looked me in the eye and his spirit asked me to love him forever, my world was changed. I will not be complacent to the abandonment of children. I will not turn my heart from the hard things in my path, but seek the comfort of knowing I am enough. He deceived me, stole from me things that can not be replaced, told the officer he did not know me. Changed his name and has not looked back. I once called you son.

My heart feels too heavy to carry and grief covers me like a well worn blanket. I am aware that my words and thoughts hold captive my tomorrows. I have nothing to do in his coming and going, but I hold the door open to walking out my belief. There is a way a truth and life but it is not in me. My son must find his own way.

I quickly give my anger over to forgiveness. This is truth and I will declare restoration. I don’t understand when, where or how. Isn’t that the way with faith. If we could make the list, and launch the project then it is within my grasp, and faith is not needed.

I went to the water, I sat and listened to the rushing and the wind. I am little and I know it. This will pass with the hands of time. I question my place and the things that I have known. The answers have not yet come. I am here, on the light side of darkness, at the edge of giving up.

Published by Monica Sayad

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6 thoughts on “The Edge of Giving Up”

  3. My dear friend,

    Thank you for the gift of your living out loud, raw. Thank you for facing the darkness. You have not turned a blind eye those around you in pain. You have dared to act, again and again. You may not feel like the valiant warrior you are, but eternity will reveal what a lasting impact you are having in the Kingdom. When you stand before Him, he is not going to ask if you were successful in every venture. He is going to ask if you were faithful with what you were given. He is going to ask if you learned to love. When the works of love you have done pass through the fire, they will stand, for they are not wood, hay or stubble, despite how things may appear at present.
    May the Lord strengthen your mama heart. May Holy Spirit bring you respite. May the tears you shed be seed that produces other warriors to follow in your footsteps, others who will dare to wage war against the darkness, others who will dare to love.

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